OK, we have had a minority president so what is next. Could we have our first female president? I got to thinking about this and started wondering what the duties of the First Gentleman would be.
The First Gentleman. It makes sense, I guess, since gentleman is the counterpart to lady in the expression "ladies and gentlemen." It just sounds so funny, but a little classy too, right? If I was the First Gentleman, I doubt I would be a total Gentleman. I am sure I would take advantage of my position and get tickets to all the great sporting events and concerts.
It got me thinking, what I would be like if asked to be our nation's first First Gentleman. At first thought, I think I'd be a freeloading, silly, jokester, who would try and entertain and lighten the mood at all state functions. I would also engage in some other interesting endeavors . . .
1. I would nag my wife constantly until she created a new cabinet position and appointed me either Secretary of Rock or Secretary of Sports. Either one would be cool and they have a nice ring to it! First Gentleman or not, somebody should appoint me to that post, because I'd be awesome at it. I think I'd have to dress the part, like maybe a Vince Neil or David Lee Roth look for the Rock Post and I could wear a different Sports Jersey everyday for the Sports Post.
If I deemed something too crappy, sucky and/or pathetic, I would launch a formal investigation and scrutinize chumps who claim they are rock like Justin Bieber and Maroon 5. One too many "nays" from my committee, who would be all appointed by me, and most likely would consist of my best buddies, and Maroon 5 would be banished from the rock world.
And I could finally take golf off of the list of sports. It would be official because I would get it passed!
2. Since some past First Ladies have championed women's rights, maybe I could be a strong fighter of Man's Rights. Here would be some of my Man's Rights causes:
A) I would have the Lorena Bobbit decision over-turned. I mean, yeah, the guy is an abusive moron and a lousy excuse for a human being, but did he deserve to have his willie lopped off? Maybe so, but should she have gotten away scott free? I demand some punishment, because it's setting a dangerous and downright scary, especially if you're a man who values his private parts, precedent. I mean the guy was wrong, but that is just going too far. That is worse than the life in prison! To avoid such a precedent, I would have her serve one day in prison or one day fluffing Ron Jeremy, whichever she wants, both punishments being equal.
B)How about a two hour period of time in which a wife is not allowed to talk to her husband, like during an important ball game, as if he could hear half of what she's saying then anyway . . .
C)It would be required that every mall in the United States would have to have a Sports Bar in it. Guys need a place to go and relax while the wives are spending all of our money!
What do you think should be added to the Man's Rights list? I am sure I will think of more. As a matter of fact, I think I need to start work on a Man's Bill of Rights. Stay tuned...
1:05 PM
Chub Johnson
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