My Letter to Tennis

Dear Tennis,

Seriously - What is your deal? What makes you so special?  Do you really think you are "All That" by using all those words like "love" and deuce in your scores. What is wrong with a number score?  Is that too "plain" for you?  You are too good for numbers or what?  Do you have some kind of personal vendetta against 5-0, or "its all tied up" or "we have no score". Come on - "deuce"? I hate to inform you tennis, but this is a game with a ball, which should use the number system, not some kind of card game -- "Deuce!"  Really!

You think you are cool because your female players wear skirts, don't you?  Big deal!  They also grunt like hogs on an Iowa Pig farm.  And what about your fans, er..., "Spectators" as you call them.   I am sorry, but Tennis games (oops, sorry...matches) are pure boredom!  No rowdiness, no waves in the crowd, no chants.  BORING!!!  What do Tennis fans do?  They do that polite, light applause so as not to cause a major disturbance and upset the players.  Forget that.  Give me painted faces, rowdy fans and the need for extra security.  Now that is a sporting event! 

And to make matters worse, my kids are playing Wii sports resort and they have started saying things such as deuce, love and advantage.  Please!  What are you doing?  I am trying to teach my children about "real" sports and now you come and interject yourself in my family game nights!  PLEASE!  Could you please just disappear.  Either that or get about 20 new players who have the personality of John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors.  They at least had some pizzazz.  Until that day, you have been relegated to the position of "Hobbies that do not qualify as sports."

Good Day (As I make a loud Grunt in front of my computer).

Posted in: other,Tennis