Why The French Hate Americans

When I lived in Mexico, I knew about 10 Frenchmen who were studying at the Tec (The School Where I worked and studied for my Graduate Degree, Also called ITESM.) A friend of mine was dating one of them, so I went to some of their parties, hung out with them from time to time, and even played pick up games of soccer with them. I must say though, the typical French stereotypes held true. I am not being racist or ethnocentric here (on the contrary - I love all cultures and love to travel.  I recognize there is good and bad in every culture), it really seems to be a fact. I have nothing against the French. I like French Food (Fries and toast...Just kidding), French Wine, some French Footballers and some French Women. Anyway, back to my friends in Monterrey, Mexico. Of the 10 friends, 6 or 7 of them were pretty arrogant. They always jumped at the opportunity to put down the Germans, English, Italians, Spaniards, Americans or even the hometown Mexicans.  

And to all the French People out there -- Lighten Up please.  This is all in good fun.  No offense meant to anyone so please do not hunt me down in the middle of the night and throw French Crepes at my house! 




That has got me to thinking as to why the French hate other countries, especially America. I especially remember my French friends talking about their hatred of American tourists (and tourists from any foreign country in general).

I did some searching and found an essay that I wrote about 10 years ago. I had it posted on my old website (Which has long since been shut down). I actually wrote this as a sociological and cultural study (tongue-in-cheek of course) for a college class I was taking. I do not mean to offend anyone, it is all in good fun. Here it is:







For years, American tourists in France have found themselves victims of unprovoked French ridicule and cruelty. Despite thousands of wholesome Americans taking their families on vacations to the supposed "Jewel of Europe", and flooding the French economy with money, French citizens continue to belittle and sneer at them. Countless Americans have been subject to wrong directions, spitting, and the ubiquitous middle finger by grumpy French citizens. One can only wonder at the number of times a hapless American has asked a resident Parisian directions to the Louvre only to get the reply: "Je vous aurais bien aide, mais je ne vous aime pas." ("I'd help you, but I don't like you.").




To many people it is inconceivable that the nation that once gave the United States the thoughtful (if rusty and cheap) present of the Statue of Liberty could now treat Americans so poorly. This study will hopefully shed light on the conundrum: Why do the French hate everyone's favorite Super Power?




Why do they hate us? A look into history might help us discover the answer to this question. The French language was originally called "Latin." When Julius Caesar invaded France in 30 BC, he was so successful at conquering the unprepared and napping Gallic army, marrying his troops off to the easy Gallic women, and tricking gullible Gallic children, that everyone there started to speak Latin. The Gallic then started to get so sloppy with their Latin, (presumably because they were too drunk to be grammatically correct) that the language was soon bastardized and became what we now know as "French." To this day, "French" is still commonly referred to as "Illegitimate Latin" or the "Debauched Language of Drunkards."




Later, French incompetence led to their defeat in the French & Indian War. As troops led by the young hero General George Washington pummeled the strange fur-trapping madmen from their poorly-made forts along the Canadian border, the French first felt an antipathy towards Americans.




Even with the pity and aid of regional Native Americans, the French consequently lost the war, having spent all their war funds on Moonshine and women, as opposed to ammunition and gunpwder (Although technically the French lost to the British, they anticipated that the colonists would fight for independence and be known as "Americans" 20 short years from that point. The French, though stupid and terrible in war, are a very prescient people.)




One other recent study reveals that the French hate Americans because we pronounce the last three letters of our words. French people apparently find this custom to be "snobby." Another study shows that we are hated because American women shave their armpits and don't smell up international airports. "Our women should reek with their fragrant blossoms of body musk!" says former French Prime Minister Francois Mitterand. The ancient law that prohibits women from cleansing is incredibly popular with French citizens. When French scientist Louis Pasteur formulated his ground-breaking hypothesis of germ theory, he was immediately put to death for his maverick beliefs of "soap and water".




Most startling is that an overwhelming majority of studies show that there are actually more reasons for Americans to hate the French than vice versa. For instance, take the pop sensation Celine Dion, who sang one of the most annoying songs of all time, the theme from the movie "Titanic." She's French. Actually she's from Quebec, but that's the French province, so it's just as bad. Canada would be a pretty cool country if not for Quebec. Also consider France's biggest contribution to American film: Gerard Depardieu. Mr. Depardieu, who has the honor of being the undisputed Ugliest Man in the Universe, could not even score a role in any semi-decent low-budget action movies.

If you ever find yourself trapped in France (for whatever reason) and you are being told you are a "Stupid pleasant-smelling American with no manners," there are certain things you can say to get by, such as "Je préfére l'Espagne." Translation: "I like Spain better." Also good is "Ce restaurant n'est pas aussi bon que le McDonalds." Translation: "This expensive French restaurant isn't as good as McDonald's."

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